[this has got to stop.seriously.]

this is what the cover of my super belated birthday present looks like. nice eh. this was when MJ's face was still awesome to look at. sigh. anyways,speaking of old mike, i just bought this month's edition of LIME magazine just cause... MJ is on the cover looking ever so hot. haha! oh well there goes my $3.

uhm ok so back to what has been happening.. sigh. its so depressing la actually. i hope nobody judges me for what i write in here. but whatever la eh...

you know how it feels when u say.. something nice like "i love you" or "you're the best" or "you're the sweetest" or whatever diabetes inducing words to people.. and somehow eventhough u dont think u want to receive the words back, u do.. ok so what happens when u expect the words to be reciprocated? it just feels even worst right. yeah in a short paragraph that sums what i've been experiencing the past few weeks. its not right i know. but... my affection deprived heart craves loving man.. sigh. to think i've never self-declared that to the world. haha. whatever.. and that person has been receiving the same words from me for a long time.. and not saying it back to me even once is just so heart-wrenching. to me la at least. so i have decided to stop saying it. stop everything. until the person says something to me will i say something back. i will not stoop to the level of being desperate for affections from someone who wont show it to me.. although ironically, that person was the one who showed me how friends should be loved and me being a love-less person at that time was supremely touched and enlightened until now. lets just say i'm going to treat that person indifferently. lets just say that person has always received more input from me. well sorry to say this but theres no more "free help service all life long" anymore. i've stopped providing that service effective today. i feel good. haha. in fact i feel great not having thoughts of things that will never happen or at least trying not to have those thoughts. to think i've wasted 7 years of my life on this. haha. i almost feel sorry to stop it. ALMOST! haha.

ok that being said... this person.. haiyah.. i dont know la. the person is very special to me. too special that it shouldnt be legal. hah. and the problem is.. the person always always always seem to know when to get me. i mean like i'm successfully trying to get over the whole shebang and poof the person will just blast back into my life like they never want to be forgotten. its not once that this has happened. it has been a few times. and after each time i will drop the thoughts to ever forget. this time i hope to strengthen my resolve. i believe it would be for the better. u know i could never say enough or phrase properly everything that i want to say. even after typing this long ass entry and publishing it.. at night i'll probably toss and turn remembering what else i want to add in to make it even more complete so u guys would somehow comprehend what i am experiencing. its taking a toll on me but for the past 2 or 3 days things always seem to successfully occupy my mind. i somehow feel rejuvenated! its awesome. haha.

can u believe i saw this truck passing by when i was waiting for my mom at DTE to watch "Duyung"? haha right! haha. fucking weird so i decided to take a picture of it. haha. oh well. i was laughing all the way la. haha. ok more pictures when u scroll down. lol.

>>> this guy was one of the DJ's there doin' his thang at our SP CCA Drive which just ended a few hours ago. i dont know his name though. but he is cute although arrogant looking and skinny. lol. his skills are okay but its nothing compared to the guy later on in this entry...

DJ Rattle(sp?) whatever la. thats what shah told me. apparently this guy is the DJ from MOS. hur hur. dont know what he's thinking agreeing to dj in a shit hole like sp. no offence. haha! seriously the sports hall was freaking humid even the huge ass fans didnt help! sheesh. anyways this guy was the bomb man! his skills basically reduced me to shreds. haha. well maybe i havnt been exposed to enough djs to really compare whats awesome but this guy blew me away la seh. and he looked like he was really enjoying what he's doing. theres always a crowd watching when he's turntabling(??) unlike the guy above. haha! i seem to have an affinity to large people. i dont know why. i always find myself wanting to make friends with them. hmm. anyways, I LOVED WATCHING HIM and enjoyed myself immensely trying to sneak past just to keep watching but failing miserably to be discreet. haha.

ok so the CCA Drive really took my mind off things which i am eternally grateful for. i somehow sprained my ankle but i managed to drag my ass to gems class and the bloody useless briefing which nobody listened to. haha. after that,instead off heading home, i went to watch DJ rattle and then the soccer boys' trials. loads of cute guys there and i couldnt resisting oogling. haha! anyways some of them were really good and the matches were great. some really showed good teamwork and skills. very impressive. also it couldnt have been fun without amira there with me eventhough she drives me nuts with her constant screaming and exclaiming and shouting and just being loud. haha.oh ya! someone even lost a tooth sia! we called him AC MILAN because he was wearing an AC Milan jersey. haha. go figure. so yeah it was great fun this past few days. i quite enjoyed myself. oh and it seemed the guy's capoeira performance just now generated some awesome response. i received news that loads of people are interested and theres quite a number of girls. nice work farhan, hasbullah and phon. of course kudos to edwin. haha.

i guess i better end here. it has been a long week and tomorrow is a holiday. haha! HAPPY MAY DAY EVERYONE! hope u guys will have a nice rest. i'll be off in KL till saturday night. haha. hope it will be a chance for me to get a hold of myself and compose myself. the coming weeks will be hectic i'm sure. so have a nice holiday everyone. take care and good night!

[happiness ruins me]

finally i found the strength to drag my large ass to type something into this drought of a blog. hmm.

ok so basically ITP is over except for some administrative stuff, and hence its back to school for us. go figure. i absolutely cannot wait for the upcoming holiday. 31 May to 22 June. 3 weeks and i plan to enjoy it to the fullest.

after the holidays is going to be my *GASP*, TP! oh hell. i have this feeling like i'm going to fail. sigh. please pray for me. i hope that i wont. haha. tough luck.

oh and its the 3rd year.. already! sheesh. FYP and all that shit is coming up. already got a short briefing by our supervisor. and to me, it doesnt sound pretty at all. sigh. hopefully i can pull through. from what i read from someone's blog, her experience wasnt good. i am so going to be swamped. probably wont have time to do much stuff once IT officially starts. haha. oh well.

hmmm.. dont you think this is nice to look at. sigh. can i get one? please? ah i'm probably to crappy of a driver to even think of owning this. i want one. a black one. fuh. hah ok dream on. moving on....

driving performance has been inconsistent for me. sometimes i'm ok, sometimes i'm not. i just got wind that the instructor thinks i can drive but if i panic during the test, i'm basically done for. the upside of having my dad's friend as my driving instructor. i am thoroughly convinced that i am going to panic. notice i did not put the test date here. wahaha! probably not bringing my hp during the test is a good idea. been stalling less and less lately. usually once. parking has been a handful. the circuit is hell on earth. the place is super squeazy and the turns.. wah i buay tahan man. i hope i hope i hope i can make it through. damn i need more practice. my bank account is running out of cash from all the driving lessons. sheesh. tell me Jae how you passed after taking only 15 lessons and that asshole who only took 13?! argh!

haha! this guy is just hot! in my opinion. his name is Oh Ji Ho and he's a korean actor. this picture is probably a photoshoot for the show Oh Su Jung VS Karl. its an awesome show for those people who are like me. haha. oh well. love it. i even bought the dvd for this. its currently in the hands of fairus. he better not lose/spoil it. ok i just love guys in suits can. haiya. so hot. somemore if the suit they have on fits them nicely. woo.. cair man. >>> this guy is a perfect example. haha. anyways go check it out if you give a damn. channel U finished airing the series unfortunately. haha. oh and the soundtracks for this drama, or whatever its categorized under, is brilliant too. contact me to get the soundtracks. haha.