[i'm sorry, goodbye]

A few nights ago, I wrote a 12-page essay on my feelings about.. you. That was before. I think it kinda helped. You know, the letting out your thoughts and feelings thing instead of keeping it all in? Its almost like the book "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. Its about a weird ass place where everything will be decided for you. Even what job you get when you grow up. There's this one guy who is called the "Keeper of Memories". Basically his job is to keep the suffering, happiness and all that is human, from the people of this town. Anyways, this boy who just came of age and had to be given a job, got selected to become the next keeper of memories. So now the guy is "The Giver" while the boy is "The Receiver". They are regarded with respect in that town. Everyday, the boy will go to "The Receiver" and "receive memories from him. But everytime "The Giver" gives the boy a memory, he'll lose it forever. Thats whats happening to me now. Its like when I wrote down all those memories, I no longer feel the full effect of them. Lets just say everytime I thought about them before, I'll stop whatever I'm doing and tears start welling up. So I guess it kinda helps. Especially after what happened.

Anyways, if you're still reading this, I want you to know that its not you. Its me. It has always been me. I have enabled the archives so that you can read whatever posts I've typed about you previously. Maybe then you'll understand why this had to happen. Don't worry. You'll never have to worry about getting into trouble with your gf because of me ever again. To make it easier for you, I will list the entries for you to read including their exact month, date and day. Of course I'll never know if you are still reading this.

List of entries to take note:
14 April 06, Friday
24 May 06, Wednesday
12 November 06, Sunday
17 August 07, Friday
21 March 08, Friday
30 April 08, Wednesday
16 July 08, Wednesday
24 January 09, Saturday


Moving along, I can't believe I could once again relate to this song. Haha.

Westlife
Can't Lose What You Never Had

Baby you're so beautiful
And when i'm near you i can't breathe
A girl like you gets what she wants
When she wants it
You're so out of my league
I show you no emotion
Don't let you see what you're doin' to me
I Imagine the two of us together
But I've been livin' in reality

Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
But time is running
So damn my foolish pride!

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had

Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye

(you cant lose what you never had)

Rules are made for breakin'
Nothing' ventured nothin' gained
I'll be no worse off than i am right now
And i might never get that chance again

Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
Told my heart I didn't want you but i lied

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had

Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye

Here on the outside lookin' in
Don't wanna stay dreamin'
bout what could have been
I need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down in flames

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had

..I'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye

(you can't lose what you never had..3x)

Again, I have to give credit where it is due. So, a huge thank you to Eileen(bitch!), Laila(sandwich face), and Sly for the listening ears. It has lessened my burden and made it a little easier for me.



I thought I was doing okay yesterday. But by night time I was beginning to feel the pinch. Maybe this isn't going to be as easy as I thought.

i love you. I'm sorry, goodbye.