[i guess its over.]

alot of things have happened in the past couple of days. but i dont think i want to type all of it in because... i dont really know why. its a bit depressing.
anyways,my birthday was okay considering nothing extremely bad or good happened. well except the fact that my grandfather fell in the toilet and had to be sent to the hospital that is. he's recuperating. i believe he is in safe hands but no exactly in a safe place if u know what i mean. lol. received a few presents. nothing big. a few wishes. thank you to those who remembered and to those who didnt nvm. try again next year. haha. it would have been great if he wished me. but nah..will never happen.
i've been thinking alot lately. about him(bleah). i wonder if its what love feels like. guess i'll never know. i found out that he's 30. yeah 12 years older considering i just turned 18. sick. plus he's chinese and most probably not a muslim. sigh. i've got nothing against non-muslims but being involved with them just puts more responsibility on us muslims thats all. i think its only fair on me and also him(i dont know why. lol) that i forget about him. i mean at his age,he should be married. i bet theres alot of eligible women out there who wants him. he's hot,nice, quite sweet,has a heart-melting smile,piercing eyes and can be a bit boring but hey nobodys perfect. but of course theres a possibility that he's uhm...lets just say he could be leading an alternative lifestyle. if that really is so then all i've gotta say is "what a freaking waste!". but i cant seem to forget about him...not so soon anyways. the last lesson of crs didnt really end as nice as the previous week. there were alot of brain-shattering moments because we had to do an argumentative essay and lets just say that the questions were unexpected. bleah. i wrote something totally crap and handed it in. the last thing he said to me was "ok this is good". when i left he was talking on the phone. he didnt say goodbye. *sobs* oh and i prefer him in formal shirt and pants. sigh. there it goes again. just thinking about his smile gives me shivers. bleah. ok stop it shikin you're not meant to be with him. hmmm. i guess since i wont be seeing him anymore,i'll probably forget about him and move on. haha. furthermore,i dont think he feels the same way. it will be a miracle if he actually does feel the same way. tough luck man.
sad.. i'll never see him again. imagine that. doesnt sound too bad but just think about it. NEVER. omg thats going to be hard. i think if i go on like this,i'll end up hurting myself. sigh i dont really know what to say now. i'm going on and on like a lovesick teenager. and unfortunately i am that. go figure. oh and apparently i've been listening to westlife's song which sort of reflects how i'm feeling right now. the lyrics will be attached at the end of this entry.
on a happier note i just received a present yesterday from my cousin janna. actually i asked her for this. since she has one like it and i've always wanted someone to give me a ring. i thought its from some junk shop like the new generation or something. little did i expect its actually from PERLINI's silver!!! omg! i was like in total shock la to say the least. she told me its $30+. i really seriously didnt expect it. so yeah i immediately wore it lor. its dark chrome i think. damn nice and shiny. haha. i still cant believe its from perlini's. sigh. i love it. oh and another thing is that singapore actually defeated malaysia. i think malaysia played better football. but what do i know abt football eh. hahaha. the last malaysian(i forgot his name) to take the penalty was obviously pressurised as hell sia. u can see it from his kick. lionel lewis was just lucky that guy's kick was slow and managed to anticipate it. if not singapore was a goner for sure. and i thought that malaysian goalkeeper syamsuri or something was arrogant looking. hah. didnt look too arrogant after that shot by precious huh. hahaha. that was a nice one. hahaha! sickening match man. watched half of it at the hospital with many others stopping by to watch. haha. watched the other half at home.
anyways,i think i'd better end here. its very late and i think i've finished doing everything i'm supposed to. so here's the lyrics... just imagine the "her" their referring to is my "him". hahaha! enjoy!
WESTLIFE
CAN'T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD
Baby you're so beautiful
And when i'm near you i can't breathe
A girl like you gets what she wants
When she wants it
You're so out of my league
I show you no emotion
Don't let you see what you're doin' to me
I Imagine the two of us together
But I've been livin' in reality
Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
But time is running out
So damn my foolish pride!
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had
Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye
(you cant lose what you never had)
Rules Are made for breakin'
Nothing' ventured nothin' gained
I'll be no worse off than i am right now
And i might never get the chance again
Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
Told my heart I didn't want you but i lied
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had
Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye
Here on the outside lookin' in
Don't wanna stay dreamin' bout what could have been
I need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down in flames
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had..
I'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye
(you can't lose what you never had..3x)

[happy birthday]

this entry was typed on the 19th of january.

well well finally i get the time to update. as u all might notice the internet connections have been shitty lately thanks to the earthquake or whatever that happened in taiwan. plus i havent got the time nor privacy to type a decent entry. in my opinion if i type an entry it has to be good. no point typing something crappy.
sorry for being grumpy. i think its the pms. haha. bleah. so school has been okay with lots and lots of taiti. wahaha. been playing so much until i dont even know if i know how to play it. haha. and then theres the many many projects and the many many exams and tests. sigh. i think i'm at the verge of failing and repeating a module. its that blasted IDEAs module. fuck it man. anyways,the crush...damn man. forget the time when i said that it will wear off soon. its here to stay man. well at least until the holidays. its not wearing off. he isnt making it easier and seeing him every thursday doesnt make it any easier either. shit. my life is hell right now. his face is like carved into my bloody brain. bleah. daffodil aka sui xian hua has been a listening ear to my dilemma here. haha. thanks dude. do drop by and tag some time. actually ive got some really really juicy stuff to tell here but i'm afraid that there are some people who i dont really want to tell this reading my blog. the urge to just heck and tell is very great but saving my face from humiliation seems to be winning. hahaha. maybe i'll tell it some other time? ;D anyways,apparently he is doing his degree(or was it masters) and he said that he will be getting it in 2 months. when my classmate asked whether he will continue teaching in SP after that he told us he wont and will instead be teaching in a university. sian or what. that means next week is the last lesson of crs and after that i might never see him again. oh god. maybe its for the best. maybe then i'll get over him. maybe then this bloddy obession will end. dont worry i have already realised that i will never have him either. god is fair. and one more thing...why does he have to be THAT old?! omg. i cant believe it man. sigh. my love life sucks. oh wait it doesnt even exist. hah. speaking of crushes,i think at this rate i'll nvr fall in love. haha. i'm always having crushes but i nvr know when it is real love. what is love? i dont know. not to mention the crushes i have are always on people that i know i'll nvr get in my entire life. go figure. guess i'll be an old maid then. join the club. haha.
on a happier note,my dvds have finally arrived!!! just when i almost gave up on it ever arriving here. i am over the moon man. 6 seasons to watch. cant wait cant wait. and i'm thinking of buying the complete first season of prison break man. i love the show. and that wentworth miller seems to look hotter on each episode. shit there it goes again. oh and in less than two hours it my big day. yeap. its the big 18. damn i'm old. driving licence here i come. haha. anyways,after school i bumped into the uncle from the cafe at school he told me that the girls were off to orchard to get a present which brightened up my day. and he topped it off with a happy birthday wish for me. aww. that really made my day. i was smiling like an idiot all the way to the mrt station. haha. but what would REALLY have made my day was if he gave me a birthday wish. but that will never happen. he doesnt know my birth date. tough luck. anyways,the icing on the cake was(i think) when my aunt took us out to dinner at pizza heart. didnt have the appetite to eat though. been having stomache upsets since yesterday. so yeah that basically sums up my day.
i got myself a ring the other day. people who really know me would surely know that i am bonkers over rings. seriously. anyways,i bought it from the temp shop outside White Sands. pathetic. it cost me 5 bloody dollars though. and it turned out that it was too big and its short of the curvy ring. i dont really fancy that kind. i prefer the squarish ones. argh u'll have to see to understand what i mean. but the ring looks nice though. bleah. i asked my cousin to buy me the exact same ring, that she has, for my birthday because i think that hers suits me better and the type and colour suits my taste. haha. whatever.
well the clock is ticking now. 1 1/2 hour till midnight. lets wait and see who will wish me. haha. maybe i should just wait till tomorrow or something. sigh. oh and i think monday will be an exciting day because....hahaha. i cant say. hee. ok i hope thats enough to make up for the lack of updates. haha. good night and take care.

[andai ku tahu]

this song keeps playing on the radio and i'm apparently infected by it. hahaha. love the song,love the lyrics,love the singer. hahaha. here it is :

Song:ANDAI KU TAHU
Artisit:UNGU.

Andai ku tahu….
Kapan tiba ajalku…
Ku akan memohon tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku…
Andai ku tahu…
Kapan tiba masaku…
Ku akan memohon tuhan jangan kau ambil nyawaku…
Aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku…
Aku takut dosa yg terus membayangiku…
Andai ku tahu…
Malaikatmu kan menjemputku…
Izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat padamu…
Aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku…
Aku takut dosa yg terus membayangiku…
Ampuni aku dari segala dosa dosaku…
Ampuni aku menangis ku bertaubat padamu…
Aku manusia yang takut neraka…
Namun aku juga tak pantas disurga…
Andai ku tahu….
Kapan tiba ajalku…
Izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat padamu…
Aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku…
Aku takut dosa yg terus membayangiku…
Ampuni aku dari segala dosa dosaku…
Ampuni aku menangis ku bertaubat padamu…

[i miss sec sch so shoot me]

i can safely say that i thoroughly enjoyed this morning. i went to pasir ris crest sec which was apparently my ex sec sch. the reason i went back there was because my bro managed to get into the sch!! haha! cool man. 3 generations. oh and my anak sedare got in too.
anyways,mr ong was babbling his ass off as usual (for approx 1h40min). it was a while before we got to go downstairs for the cca thingy. not bad. it was super packed. i went around talking to the teachers who cared to remember me. haha. there were many surprisingly. i felt loved. hahaha. mr shafiee gained more weight i see and he was the teacher i talked to the most. he was kinda happy to talk to me. haha. he even praised me alot infront of my mother. i was paiseh but it was kind of the truth la eh. hahahahaha! i talked to mr yap,mr ridzuan,mr yeo,mr low,ms shim and some more i cant remember. mr neo kept winking at me and mr singh was smiling at me. sigh. so nice. then i even saw some of the ex prcsians or whatever u call them. zarifah was there pulling and teasing me about my hair,zahidah was there kind of awkward being around me i think and afiq trying his best to persuade my bro and nephew to join ncc. tough luck seh. haha. some old dudes i cant remember or know also said hi and of course some i know. it was cool being in a familiar environment with people who know u. sigh. but the only thing i regret was not being able to meet mr azhar. i dont know why i felt this way. so i promised myself i need to go to this year's teachers' day. basically i had loads and loads of fun there eventhough i didnt do anything much. it was truly a great day for me. i mean it.. and i found i miss the whole sec sch thing. i guess i'll never forget the times i had there,the teachers and of course the friends i made there. u'll never find me saying this during the time i was still studying there but oh well things change. hahaha. ok i guess i'll end here tonight. i forced myself to blog tonight cos the news is still hot. haha. speaking of hot somehow mr razak was looking hot just now. now i know why amalina was so crazy over him. haha. okok enough. good night and take care. and to my sec sch friends i hope u guys wont forget the times we had there mann. those were some memories. all the best.

[new year,well not exactly]

finally another has gone by. and another just looming in the distance. guess we'll never know whats really in store for us this year. 2006 was just like any other year. filled with disappointments,happiness,confusion etc. we're just getting a year older and a step closer to death. hmmm.
well anyways the holidays havent been much fun. having 3 weeks break now. 2 1/2 weeks down and 4 more days to go. shit thats fast. one week was spent holidaying in Bali. the trip was ok i guess but i didnt find dodging the many offerings everywhere i go fun though. u see there was a festival going there. so the people there were laying offerings on almost anything they can see. its seriously disarming. another week was spent sick in singapore. i was almost knocking on death's door man. serious shit. the asthma got me real bad. this is the last week and i'm still sick. i havnt done my homework. hah. whats new.
so apparently i was missing school. at times like this i somehow think that school is fun. but when its time to go to school thats the shitty part. and i have to tell u that the crush is actually subsiding. but thoughts of him are still sneaking in my bloody mind. bleah. so its not completely over. pfff. but now that school is almost reopening i dont really feel like going. haha. damn i'm fickle.
its been 2 months now and i still have not received my dvds. how sickening is that?! i wonder if the bloody guy even got around to shipping them. fucker. now what am i supposed to do. i was really looking forward to watching them. sigh. i am pissed off.
speaking of pissed off,youtube is now giving me major problems. wait,youtube has been giving me problems the whole week. the video will load for maybe 1/4 of the whole thing and then it'll show that it has finished loading. but when u play it,it only plays until the 1/4 part. i mean wtf right? i only got to watch the saddam's hanging vid. the rest wont load. fug. i really hope they repair this problem. oh and dont u guys think that prison break is awesome?! i do sia! i'm comtemplating whether to buy the season 1 episodes. hmm. what do u guys think? should i?
oh well,i'll end here. sorry i havent been blogging much. too lazy. hey nobodys perfect. anyways,have a good night everyone. take care.