[hello]
hey baby! okay let me kinda bring you up to date with some stuff. so we all know that Jung Min's solo album has been delayed to 20th January, which coincidentally, is my birthday TEEHEE! guess what i just found out?! SeungRi is also releasing his solo album on that day! OMG! the fact that their albums will be up against each other in terms of sales and performances and whatnot is seriously not bothering me right now. BIRTHDAY PRESENTS FROM PEOPLE FROM BOTH OF MY FAVOURITE KPOP BANDS! OMG ADASKMDIOGNFDGDFI! TOO INSANE!
PARK JUNG MIN AND LEE SEUNG HYUN I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH FOR DOING THIS!
Just typed "in case BigTone didn't tell you 제 생일 1월 20일입니다.승리의 앨범 발표도 그 날입니다. 그러니까 고마워요. 내 생일 선물로 생각해요. 그리고 미안해요. 한국어를 잘 못해요. 지금 아직 공부합니다. 암튼 조심하세요. 앨범을 기대 많이합니다." but I have not freaking idea how to tag someone. FAIL all this time I didn't verify my soompi account. HAHA WTF. Anyways, i just verified it and i asked how to tag someone. me2day is too difficult to use la omg.
Oh today.. apart from the good news posted above.. It seems the boy has been trying to get through to me. keke. Don't mind my insanity. I never used to do such things, you know this right? I hate reading too much into things, I still do, but I always do it anyway. So yeah I got angry at oppa today. I don't even want to call him oppa now. Ugh. He was disrespectful and was just an all round asshole. *gosh i can't concentrate when i have Gdragon and TOP singing in my ears* Anyways, I was asking him about the power system protection lab experiments. you know what he said to me? "see la why you don't come to class?". i fucking wanted to slap his fucking face. so yeah.. being me i got angry and was steaming at the corner by myself. i told myself i'm going to ignore this jerk for the rest of the class at least. and so i did. i layaned all those nice myanmar and indian people around me. i felt like i belong. haha! so the ignoring worked until the lecturer returned our test papers and everyone started comparing marks. hate it. i made alot of mistakes as usual. what did you expect. anyways, embarrassment galore when the lecturer came to me and subsequently realised that i was one of those who did that common mistake. screw me. sorry if my english isn't up to par tonight. i can't bring myself to form proper sentences. fucker oppa step ask me about my marks and i kept avoiding his ass. who the hell cares about an asshole. bitch. jerk. hasnat rocks. i don't know but he left fucker oppa's ass behind, fucker oppa was in the toilet, and just walked to the mrt station with me. it could've been nothing but i felt happy with his company. haha! simple-minded girl that i am. oh.. in between that time.. while waiting for our team (me and the myanmar peeps) 's turn to do the experiment, i tried doing word search on facebook. and one of the words they asked me to find was TOP. i totally stalled. haha. i tweeted that i needed a guy with a sexy, deep and husky voice to serenade me right now and a friend immediately replied with "I think TOP is busy right now". I swear i wasn't thinking about TOP, and instead all I was thinking about was Rain and his sexy husky voice touching me everywhere omg shit i'm horny. anyways, i totally laughed my ass off and had this stupid grin plastered to my face that everyone around me was looking at me weirdly. but i couldn't give a damn. and while i was on the train feeling down in the dumps again.. i switched on my ipod and pressed play.. the next song that came up was.. Zia feat TOP "i only see you". once again, i had that stupid grin plastered on my damn face. sigh. ^^
so what have you been up to while i was gone? been a good boy i hope? haha. eh i just watched something that made me laugh. HERE. I guess I haven't gone much to say today except that the black fila shoes with coloured soles are on sale at the ygeshop and i just mentioned about them yesterday! I WANT THE GREEN ONE! but i want high cut. the green one they have at the shop isn't high cut. =(
I miss the boy alot today. I don't even know why I miss him. When I try to think of a reason, I can't find any. It makes me worry because.. well why would i miss him? What about him that makes me want to miss him? yeah sure if its the old him. the new him feels too cold, too rigid, too famous, too exposed, too guarded, too... i can go on... but he makes my heart skip, forget to beat, hurt, swell with pride,hate him so much, smash into tiny tiny pieces and plain melt at every little thing he does. just looking at him look at another girl, hurts me beyond believe and i never knew i could feel something like this. i also naively thought that i wouldn't get too angry if someone i like were to cheat on me but boy was i wrong. it felt like my heart got violently ripped out, with my arteries flailing about splattering blood, and my still beating heart being laid on a chopping board and being slowly sliced into thin pieces like making sashimi, slow and painful and hurts like a mother fucker. i know that doesn't amount to much, that millions of other girls are also feeling the same way but I swear I have this believe that I might somehow get a chance with him. if not long term, maybe just date for a few months. because i think that if i take years away from him, and finally leave him, cos he probably wouldn't want to convert, would only waste his time. i've also considered the fact that he likes to drink and i've thought of places we could go to that would cater to his drinking and my having to consume halal food. and that if i take his drinking away from him, it'll make him miserable. i wouldn't want him to waste his talent at drinking when he could be impressing some other girl's father with it. plus with a manner unlike me and which i have never done with any of the other guys i've had a crush or love interest in, i've thought of marrying and having a child or children with him. how they'd look, if they'd look anything like him. would they have big ears, intense eyes, long fingers, huge hands and feet, stick thin arms and legs and all that. the child i imagined has always been a boy. i like boys and i told myself that if i'm ever going to have a kid, it has to be a boy but then all this is in God's hands. i'm always thinking and searching and doing research of what i might do to capture his attention, to make him look at me and not look away, to make him think "gosh this girl is special", to leave him with a deep impression even long after i've left, to make him always have me on his mind.. but i always draw a blank and i'll come to the conclusion that i can never do any of those things. i look in the mirror and i am further convinced that a person like me will never ever have a person like him. i'll also never find another person like him. and then comes what my mother used to tell me when she hears people say that she'll say "yes you'll find someone like that in hell" and i get depressed and sad and pessimistic and angry and guilty. but another month, week, day, hour, minute, second passes by and i forget all that and continue searching, continue thinking, continue wondering. i know this isn't healthy and that i should stop it while i can. but what if i don't want to. what if i want to be miserable? what if being able to miss someone is the only thing keeping me going through with life with a purpose? what if having someone to miss, to be disappointed with, to be happy about, what if wanting someone that much no matter the odds, makes me feel normal? and maybe in a twisted way, make me feel wanted? will that convince you that all these insanity is actually doing me a little, if not at all, good? will you just leave me the fuck alone and let me entertain these thoughts that i cherish more than my life? i have the believe that he should date someone outside from the entertainment industry. someone normal but would understand his line of work. someone who isn't in the spotlight. someone who has a normal 9-5 job maybe. someone who he could just get away from the stress of work with. i want to be that person for him because eventhough i now know how jealous i can get, i'm sure i'll be okay with it because i know he's mine. i'm sure he isn't the kind to cheat and he'd prove his loyalty every chance he gets. he'd also stop wearing his huge rings in favour of our couple rings that he'll give to me on one of our anniversaries and he'll promise that he'll never take it off, and that even if he does, he's going to hang it around his neck so that it'll always be near his heart. i don't care if he never writes a song for me because just having him in my life is like having music in my life. he'll probably write me a song anyway because that's what he does and he's the stubborn sort. i have this vision of me laying out ground rules before dating. haha. i need to write them down so that i'll remember everything i need to say when it comes to it. of course this is all just imagination on my part. i don't know him apart from what i've seen on tv and the fact that i derived all these from only watching him makes me a freak but i'm probably not the only one and that makes me sad. i hate being the norm. he's probably seen it all so i have to stand out. i also wonder what we'd talk about when we're together. i can never get the answer to that and i get worried. i want us to be able to always have something to talk about. i hope that he's a funny person because i love funny people. i like making others laugh and i hope he does too. i hope that he's a responsible person who can handle financial matters because i know nuts about finance apart from counting. haha. i'm useless. i seriously don't know why i have so much confidence in myself for this. i know i'll probably fall flat on my face if this doesn't work out and we find out he already has a girlfriend or whatever. i somehow have this feeling that me and him could make an awesome couple. i'm not those who'd cling to their boyfriends and crave constant attention. i'd freely leave him to do his work while i do mine because i love my freedom. i believe that having too many things in common is not a good thing. maybe because i just don't like things to be so simple sometimes. the only problem is that he likes tall girls and he likes them wearing freakishly high heels. but in his recent interview, he revealed that his ideal girl is the girl he loves, which i'm not even gonna lie, totally swept me away. it means that it doesn't matter what the girl is like. as long as he loves her, that's his ideal type. also, maybe i'm once again reading too much into things but there are so many things that make me have hopes for this possibility. they could all be nothing but i'd love to think otherwise. please bare with me while i list them.. i might miss a few. these are all from the top of my head. will add on to them in the future if i remember.
at the same time i'm also thinking, what am i doing with my life? is this the right thing to do? should i be wasting my time this way? but i'm not wasting my time, money maybe, but not time. its just that i happen to be doing this ON TOP OF whatever you want to see me doing, which is studying. i totally have no idea on what to do after this course is done though. i hope to get a good-paying job of course. mainly to feed my addiction. haha. kpop is a drug. i'm running out of things to say right now. haha. i was just saying on twitter that if only writing a report or an essay was this easy, life would be a breeze don't you think? haha. that's me. always looking for the easy way out.
okay babe i have to go now. my eyes are failing me and its already 6am which means i have to wake Ali up for school. and pray. i'll pray for all that i have mentioned above, that's for sure. take care dear blog. i'll come back soon with more goodies to feed you. maybe videos huh how does that sound? ^^ bye bye! see you!
PARK JUNG MIN AND LEE SEUNG HYUN I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH FOR DOING THIS!
Just typed "in case BigTone didn't tell you 제 생일 1월 20일입니다.승리의 앨범 발표도 그 날입니다. 그러니까 고마워요. 내 생일 선물로 생각해요. 그리고 미안해요. 한국어를 잘 못해요. 지금 아직 공부합니다. 암튼 조심하세요. 앨범을 기대 많이합니다." but I have not freaking idea how to tag someone. FAIL all this time I didn't verify my soompi account. HAHA WTF. Anyways, i just verified it and i asked how to tag someone. me2day is too difficult to use la omg.
Oh today.. apart from the good news posted above.. It seems the boy has been trying to get through to me. keke. Don't mind my insanity. I never used to do such things, you know this right? I hate reading too much into things, I still do, but I always do it anyway. So yeah I got angry at oppa today. I don't even want to call him oppa now. Ugh. He was disrespectful and was just an all round asshole. *gosh i can't concentrate when i have Gdragon and TOP singing in my ears* Anyways, I was asking him about the power system protection lab experiments. you know what he said to me? "see la why you don't come to class?". i fucking wanted to slap his fucking face. so yeah.. being me i got angry and was steaming at the corner by myself. i told myself i'm going to ignore this jerk for the rest of the class at least. and so i did. i layaned all those nice myanmar and indian people around me. i felt like i belong. haha! so the ignoring worked until the lecturer returned our test papers and everyone started comparing marks. hate it. i made alot of mistakes as usual. what did you expect. anyways, embarrassment galore when the lecturer came to me and subsequently realised that i was one of those who did that common mistake. screw me. sorry if my english isn't up to par tonight. i can't bring myself to form proper sentences. fucker oppa step ask me about my marks and i kept avoiding his ass. who the hell cares about an asshole. bitch. jerk. hasnat rocks. i don't know but he left fucker oppa's ass behind, fucker oppa was in the toilet, and just walked to the mrt station with me. it could've been nothing but i felt happy with his company. haha! simple-minded girl that i am. oh.. in between that time.. while waiting for our team (me and the myanmar peeps) 's turn to do the experiment, i tried doing word search on facebook. and one of the words they asked me to find was TOP. i totally stalled. haha. i tweeted that i needed a guy with a sexy, deep and husky voice to serenade me right now and a friend immediately replied with "I think TOP is busy right now". I swear i wasn't thinking about TOP, and instead all I was thinking about was Rain and his sexy husky voice touching me everywhere omg shit i'm horny. anyways, i totally laughed my ass off and had this stupid grin plastered to my face that everyone around me was looking at me weirdly. but i couldn't give a damn. and while i was on the train feeling down in the dumps again.. i switched on my ipod and pressed play.. the next song that came up was.. Zia feat TOP "i only see you". once again, i had that stupid grin plastered on my damn face. sigh. ^^
so what have you been up to while i was gone? been a good boy i hope? haha. eh i just watched something that made me laugh. HERE. I guess I haven't gone much to say today except that the black fila shoes with coloured soles are on sale at the ygeshop and i just mentioned about them yesterday! I WANT THE GREEN ONE! but i want high cut. the green one they have at the shop isn't high cut. =(
I miss the boy alot today. I don't even know why I miss him. When I try to think of a reason, I can't find any. It makes me worry because.. well why would i miss him? What about him that makes me want to miss him? yeah sure if its the old him. the new him feels too cold, too rigid, too famous, too exposed, too guarded, too... i can go on... but he makes my heart skip, forget to beat, hurt, swell with pride,hate him so much, smash into tiny tiny pieces and plain melt at every little thing he does. just looking at him look at another girl, hurts me beyond believe and i never knew i could feel something like this. i also naively thought that i wouldn't get too angry if someone i like were to cheat on me but boy was i wrong. it felt like my heart got violently ripped out, with my arteries flailing about splattering blood, and my still beating heart being laid on a chopping board and being slowly sliced into thin pieces like making sashimi, slow and painful and hurts like a mother fucker. i know that doesn't amount to much, that millions of other girls are also feeling the same way but I swear I have this believe that I might somehow get a chance with him. if not long term, maybe just date for a few months. because i think that if i take years away from him, and finally leave him, cos he probably wouldn't want to convert, would only waste his time. i've also considered the fact that he likes to drink and i've thought of places we could go to that would cater to his drinking and my having to consume halal food. and that if i take his drinking away from him, it'll make him miserable. i wouldn't want him to waste his talent at drinking when he could be impressing some other girl's father with it. plus with a manner unlike me and which i have never done with any of the other guys i've had a crush or love interest in, i've thought of marrying and having a child or children with him. how they'd look, if they'd look anything like him. would they have big ears, intense eyes, long fingers, huge hands and feet, stick thin arms and legs and all that. the child i imagined has always been a boy. i like boys and i told myself that if i'm ever going to have a kid, it has to be a boy but then all this is in God's hands. i'm always thinking and searching and doing research of what i might do to capture his attention, to make him look at me and not look away, to make him think "gosh this girl is special", to leave him with a deep impression even long after i've left, to make him always have me on his mind.. but i always draw a blank and i'll come to the conclusion that i can never do any of those things. i look in the mirror and i am further convinced that a person like me will never ever have a person like him. i'll also never find another person like him. and then comes what my mother used to tell me when she hears people say that she'll say "yes you'll find someone like that in hell" and i get depressed and sad and pessimistic and angry and guilty. but another month, week, day, hour, minute, second passes by and i forget all that and continue searching, continue thinking, continue wondering. i know this isn't healthy and that i should stop it while i can. but what if i don't want to. what if i want to be miserable? what if being able to miss someone is the only thing keeping me going through with life with a purpose? what if having someone to miss, to be disappointed with, to be happy about, what if wanting someone that much no matter the odds, makes me feel normal? and maybe in a twisted way, make me feel wanted? will that convince you that all these insanity is actually doing me a little, if not at all, good? will you just leave me the fuck alone and let me entertain these thoughts that i cherish more than my life? i have the believe that he should date someone outside from the entertainment industry. someone normal but would understand his line of work. someone who isn't in the spotlight. someone who has a normal 9-5 job maybe. someone who he could just get away from the stress of work with. i want to be that person for him because eventhough i now know how jealous i can get, i'm sure i'll be okay with it because i know he's mine. i'm sure he isn't the kind to cheat and he'd prove his loyalty every chance he gets. he'd also stop wearing his huge rings in favour of our couple rings that he'll give to me on one of our anniversaries and he'll promise that he'll never take it off, and that even if he does, he's going to hang it around his neck so that it'll always be near his heart. i don't care if he never writes a song for me because just having him in my life is like having music in my life. he'll probably write me a song anyway because that's what he does and he's the stubborn sort. i have this vision of me laying out ground rules before dating. haha. i need to write them down so that i'll remember everything i need to say when it comes to it. of course this is all just imagination on my part. i don't know him apart from what i've seen on tv and the fact that i derived all these from only watching him makes me a freak but i'm probably not the only one and that makes me sad. i hate being the norm. he's probably seen it all so i have to stand out. i also wonder what we'd talk about when we're together. i can never get the answer to that and i get worried. i want us to be able to always have something to talk about. i hope that he's a funny person because i love funny people. i like making others laugh and i hope he does too. i hope that he's a responsible person who can handle financial matters because i know nuts about finance apart from counting. haha. i'm useless. i seriously don't know why i have so much confidence in myself for this. i know i'll probably fall flat on my face if this doesn't work out and we find out he already has a girlfriend or whatever. i somehow have this feeling that me and him could make an awesome couple. i'm not those who'd cling to their boyfriends and crave constant attention. i'd freely leave him to do his work while i do mine because i love my freedom. i believe that having too many things in common is not a good thing. maybe because i just don't like things to be so simple sometimes. the only problem is that he likes tall girls and he likes them wearing freakishly high heels. but in his recent interview, he revealed that his ideal girl is the girl he loves, which i'm not even gonna lie, totally swept me away. it means that it doesn't matter what the girl is like. as long as he loves her, that's his ideal type. also, maybe i'm once again reading too much into things but there are so many things that make me have hopes for this possibility. they could all be nothing but i'd love to think otherwise. please bare with me while i list them.. i might miss a few. these are all from the top of my head. will add on to them in the future if i remember.
- my uncle's birthday is on the same date as him. different year though
- his mom's birthday is on the same date as my cousin's. different year as well
- my mother has given me blessings to marry someone of different nationality provided he converts
- i can't find anyone who fits me better
- he's 2 years older than me (my secondary school teacher said that if we're ever to get a boyfriend, get one who is at least 2 years older)
- he's a scorpio (doesn't have any special indication just that i find scorpios [only him] fascinating)
- we both like to be alone most times just to think things through
- we both hate argueing
- there are always things around me that remind me of him
- posters of him suddenly popping out of nowhere infront of me
- it seems like i can understand his thoughts sometimes
at the same time i'm also thinking, what am i doing with my life? is this the right thing to do? should i be wasting my time this way? but i'm not wasting my time, money maybe, but not time. its just that i happen to be doing this ON TOP OF whatever you want to see me doing, which is studying. i totally have no idea on what to do after this course is done though. i hope to get a good-paying job of course. mainly to feed my addiction. haha. kpop is a drug. i'm running out of things to say right now. haha. i was just saying on twitter that if only writing a report or an essay was this easy, life would be a breeze don't you think? haha. that's me. always looking for the easy way out.
okay babe i have to go now. my eyes are failing me and its already 6am which means i have to wake Ali up for school. and pray. i'll pray for all that i have mentioned above, that's for sure. take care dear blog. i'll come back soon with more goodies to feed you. maybe videos huh how does that sound? ^^ bye bye! see you!
posted by shikin at 1:38 AM
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