[kelis-little star]

Tiring day at work today and went home early since the perm staff were having VC. Came home, heated food and washed the dishes, thinking I'd done a good deed. I thought I had made some improvements considering I actually had the energy to help out with house work. I thought mom would come home and notice what I'd done and be at least a little pleased. I should've known. She came home and started scolding everyone. Saying "Buang masa aja kerja. Anak tercicir. kakak dengan abang tak guna, tak tau tengok adik. Memang nasib aku ah." I acted cool but it hurt. I was at work the whole day. How can you blame everything on me? Why do you blame me when there's a 21 year old kid at home the whole day? I doubt he heated the food much less vacuum the house or wash the dishes. I know he's going for NS tomorrow but so what? Exempted from house work ah? So everything is on me now? Then what is the point of me working? Oh right. Cos I didn't want to burden them with paying for my expenses when I go to Korea. I seriously almost cried at work infront of Sarah the other day. Its not fair.

So anyways, I just wanted to thank Jae and Amira for always being there for me. For not liking me just for my ability to drive and/or access to a car. For being proud of me when I thought my parents weren't. For always putting a smile on my face even after a long and hard day and for being there for me all these years. I never told you but I am grateful. I'm thankful every day that both of you are in my life. That I can just text you and you'll be there to bring a smile to my face. I'm sorry if sometimes I intrude your lives. Its just that I don't feel like I get enough attention elsewhere. And sometimes I just miss you guys.

Jae I know you're in the US right now and since we constantly text, I don't have much to say to you except 보고싶어요! HAHA!

Amira, when are we going to meet man?! You didn't text me the other day so I didn't know what was going on! So umm we have to meet soon. So I can get some food with you and so I can pass IRIS and Full House to you. I'm sorry I don't reply on time. Things are really hectic these days. I hope you understand! I'm still just a text/phone call away! Hope to see you soon hor!

Anyways, tomorrow the bro is going for NS and I have to take off to send him. Whatever. I just wanna rest after that.

OH! Before I go, I heard this song... somewhere teehee.. and its a REALLY great song! I love the umm melody? and the words are really sweet too. Here, have a listen.



When are you coming back to work? I kinda miss you.

[pretend this was typed on the 2nd]

Today * kinda made efforts to talk to me. =D Yes, I get happy easily. There were a few instances when * just stood and stared at me for God knows what reason. OMG a thought just came to mind! Maybe * was jealous that Huiling was all over me so * went to Jannah. Hmmm. HAHA! OMG! Okay sorry got side tracked. Let's continue.

Today * asked me to empty the elephante twice. I was only too glad to help. The poor thing must be so overworked. My heart hurts seeing * doing all that. There was once when me, Clovis and Huiling were emptying the elephante but the top of the drawers were piled with appointment passports, so we didn't have space to separate the A from the P. We just put everything together. Then * came and checked and asked whether we separated them. I said "umm no?". * just smiled and said "Fuck you!". Huiling laughed at me. I told * that * never told us to separate them. * said that it was common sense. I said sorry and asked whether I can do anything about it. So we separated them. After that, I think.. We can only be friends. Sad.

After lunch, me and Huiling just came up the stairs and Huiling grabbed my hand and pointed to the woman waiting for the lift and said "look at her legs! so thin!". I couldn't concentrate because *, azri and another guy were standing there just staring at us. Then I just said "okay, yes. Thank you." and walked past them, and through the door. Embarrassing. -.-

Today wasn't really good. Did runner with Firdaus for a while when * approached Firdaus and told one of us to come in. I thought.. Since Firdaus is so much better as runner, I might as well go in. When I left, he said "Dia suka kau tak?" to which I showed him the middle finger but my heart was fluttering like hell and I was grinning like shit. I went in and said "yes boss, I have come to sacrifice my life." * just chuckled. I WILL MAKE * LAUGH ON MY OWN CREDIT IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO! * did laugh to *self when * did weird stuff like accidentally slamming the basket too hard or scaring *self while filing passports. I find * so cute sometimes, I don't even know why. I know * is really tired. The amount of things * does scares me. So many people depend on * to get their passports from wherever the hell they may be. I feel kinda proud to be working with *. LOL! * always smiles and laughs, though not with me, but * is ALWAYS finding, carrying, pushing, going up and down, in and out, all I wanna do is pull * to me, hug * and whisper that its okay. That I'll be there to help whenever the need arises. But I can't do that, obviously. It breaks my heart seeing * do all that the whole day and then still having to file and shift the passports at the end of the day. I wish I knew what to do to help but I don't. I could only shift and transfer the passports. I don't want to openly offer help because that won't go down well with the others. But I was seriously just dying inside just watching * doing all that. I can see * eyes were already tired and * was barely standing straight. I should've asked if * could manage before leaving like that. I should have done something. God, no wonder * was kinda pissed the next day.

But then again, it could be that * saw me, sarah and kak jan coming out from the mrt station. I glanced when sarah mentioned * but I looked at my phone so I can remain in neutral position since Sarah seems to be having problems with *. Truth be told, I just wanted to run to * and hug * to death. I miss every second that * is not in my sight. I should have just smiled or waved or something. [I still remember waving to * the other day and when * waved back, I felt like my heart was going to burst from happiness] Ugh. I HATE myself right now. You know ah.. My heart skips a beat and my tummy has butterflies when I see * appear. HAHA! I'm sick. This is probably the fastest I've gotten over that woman after she abandoned me for her gf.. AGAIN. Its fine. Whatever.

For now, all I wanna do is go to work and see *. I don't care if I can only stare at * back with longing knowing full well that I'll never have *. Plus now that I know * is kinda involved with another.. Sigh. Sad huh? * seems so happy nowadays. I should just stop falling for people who are attached. I wanted to think that it was because of me that * is happy. But after what Sarah told me, my hopes were dashed. I don't know what I was expecting ah but I don't want to lose another crush to someone else. I'm sick of not getting who I want. Okay I get it that God is waiting to give me someone I need, but for now, its kind of painful. /deep breaths/ I'll just be happy about coming to work, destroying my limbs and getting scolded just so I can see * every day for 11 hours. Sucks knowing that * doesn't work on Saturdays. I miss *. I always wish *'ll come back soon so I can just see *. We don't even have to talk. Just.. Let me see you. That's all I want. Anything else is a bonus.

OH! Today was also filled with Abang Hafiz! He is a super cute fella! Married, but oh so cute! He's always going "HI SHIKIN!" or "Hi Shikinnn..". To which I'd smile insanely bright and sincere since I genuinely like him. He's like the nicest male counter staff EVER! Anyways, today he entered the tracer room with the elephante while I was searching the computer for passport info. * was emptying the elephante and he saw me! He immediately said "HI SHIKIN!" to which i just smiled widely and waved because I haven't decided on what to call him yet. I continued searching when he exclaimed "Jangan nak action main computer la Shikin! Masuk facebook!". I was like "HAH?! Facebook eh?!" and proceeded to check whether there was internet connection. Couldn't figure it out so I just continued searching. Then outside I kept seeing him and his tiny self strutting around with his SECURITY uniform. I miss him. He hasn't been doing counter duty. Apparently he's been at perso. He's just too adorable ah. OMG.

Okay that's all for tonight. its 1215am and I've got work tomorrow. AMIRA IF YOU'RE READING THIS, DON'T ASK ME ANYTHING CAN OR NOT?! I PAISEH! HAHAHAHA! Anyways Jae, I miss you too okay? HAHA! Bye, kids.

[pretend this was typed on the 1st]

Today was a good day at work. Apart from the disastrous start to the day, it all turned out well in the end. Its all due to one person and that is *. I think I might have a crush on *.

Anyways, in an effort to ditch tracer room duty in the morning, I did a few things. That is slacking in the back office till 8am when I'm supposed to be in by 745, taking the initiative to go downstairs to check whether the ekiosk people were already there (they weren't) and finally became runner for appointment. The runner job sucked cheeseballs whereas it usually doesn't (okay maybe during the first runner gig). I ended up hating a counter staff and a supervisor. Since my name wasn't in the roster, wati (who reminds me of jae -.-) volunteered to cover me after her lunch. She came back on time but sarah asked me to wait another hour so we can have lunch together since her mom packed food for me. So okay I had to go into the tracer room. It was alright I guess. Its always alright when * is in charge. There was a new guy that day and I didn't want him to feel as shitty as I did on my first day so I said "Yo, how's it goin' man?!" to him. He looked at me and stuttered "A.. Alot ah." while pointing to the ticket machines. I just smiled and told him he hasn't seen the worse. * was wearing the sweater that * always wears that I think looks good on *. A little fat, but good.

OH! I think * stares/looks at me when * doesn't think I notice. Or maybe its just * eyes. Either way, I LIKE! Teehee! Cos I ALWAYS look/stare at * when I think * isn't looking. ^^v #kyox89swag. I should dig out my eyes from all the longing it contains.

I was doing tracing for appointment when * asked me to find n number passports that * has written down on a paper. I did so and * asked "can or not?". I said can but I can't find one. I passed * the paper and... Our hands touched. /covers mouth and giggles/ I don't know if it was just me ah but it felt like our hands were touching for much longer than necessary. *giggles* It felt really really good but I could just be thinking too much though. Sigh. /sobers up* Then * went outside to get the passports I was dishing out. * said Thanks. [author's note: my heart is literally doing flips right now. I swear, its the little things.]

* asked me to empty the elephante and I think said thank you but I can't be sure.* is always mumbling.

Today was also a good day because I managed to find like 80% of the passports that I was supposed to trace. I'm getting good at this. LOL! I also managed to find what I just realised was an MPT. Basket. The number was a walk in number but the passport wasn't in the designated drawer. So off to the computer to find more info. No appointments made. FUCK. But I tried checking today's appointment baskets. No luck. Then tried tomorrow's appointment baskets and LO AND BEHOLD! IT WAS THERE! I literally shouted YES! Clovis was beside me telling me that I just struck lottery. I was far from striking any lottery but it definitely felt close to it. The icing on the cake was that * happened to be there with the elephante and probably heard me. * asked whether I found an MPT but I didn't know what was considered an MPT so I just said no and laughed. I was too happy. * just smiled at me. I WANT TO HUG * CAN OR NOT?! THE NEED TO PULL * TO ME AND HUG * IS OVERWHELMING ME! OMG!

Later on in the day, I had 2 passports that I couldn't locate even after doing everything I know. So I gave up, approached * and said "Boss, I cannot find ah!". * took the tickets and said "Boss?! Thanks eh, THANKS!" while smiling. * IS SO FUCKING CUTE!

Then! After work, as usual, food will be bought for those doing OT. They're usually finger food. But occasionally they'll provide mee goreng or chicken rice. Today it was Mr Bean's pancake thingy. The ones with different flavours. * carried them into the tracer room to distribute them. People were calling out the flavours they wished to receive. I didn't know whether I wanted to OT but I just called out "custard". I thought they wouldn't buy that flavour since its sold at a different price from the rest but haha they bought it. * repeated "custard?" and took out a packet from the plastic and held it out to me. I wanted to take it but then I stopped and asked "that means I need to OT ah?". * gave me a -.- face and put the packet back into the plastic. I laughed. After everyone got their share, * looked at me, took out the packet again and said "okay, I'll leave one here for you. Depends on your moral obligation whether you wanna OT." and smiled. I laughed at * and took the packet. I mean.. * FUCKING LEFT A PACKET FOR ME! FOR ME! FUCKING HELL WASN'T GOING TO JUST LEAVE IT THERE! * is too freaking cute for words ah. I don't know if its just me ah but the tension (for me its kinda sexual) between us, is so tangible, its threatening to explode. So when * and Bernice left to distribute to the rest of the staff elsewhere, I sat on the table and ate the pancake. The moment I took the last bite Hendra entered the room and asked me to help out with the mail. I immediately got off the table and headed to the back office. Opening mail is easy! I love tearing paper. Teehee! ^^v