[without you]
i'm having sorethroat right now and I missed 3 days of work last week cos I wasn't feeling well. Now I'm sick again and.. sigh this sucks. Whatever.
anyways.. today.. today i managed to keep the promise i made to myself. that i would just stop trying and just do my thang. i didn't make small talks you, kept away from you and didn't look at you (or rather kept it to a minimum) when you looked at me. I essentially ignored you. It felt good. At some point you were looking at me, giving me bewildered looks but i just turned away. If you're not gonna try, then i'm not either. If you're gonna give me hot and cold shit, ie one day you're nice and the next you're acting like i'm invisible, then i'm not gonna bother. i'm too tired, work is too tiring.
what i don't understand is why won't you just talk to me? you talk to everyone.. every freaking one but me. is it because i'm friends with sarah? is that it? sigh. forget it. i'm done with this shit. if you finally wanna be friends, come. if not, you can just stick to your own circle. i'm just gonna mope around cos my friends are leaving me one by excruciating one. so yeah i've got alot more shit to handle without you adding to it, thank you very much.
that said, seeing you at work still makes my day. work is bleak without you. i guess i should've just stuck to looking at you from afar. oh well. i'm thinking of whether i should continue working there till december, just so i can see the old kids back again. at the same time finish the year and find a permanent job after. we'll see.
tomorrow or rather later, there's dinner with the ICA mates. We're having Mongolian baby! can't wait. i've never tried anything Mongolian before. hopefully this damn sorethroat will get better (doubt it). oh! and i'm approaching my first public holiday while working at ICA! woohoo! off on tuesday! awesome. can't wait for it.
anyways, i think i dumb and shallow. i don't think i can mix with clever/intelligent people like Jae and you and all those people yang sewaktu dengannya. i can never find anything to talk to them about, and they probably think the same about me. i like people who can keep up a conversation because I obviously can't. i'm more of a listener. oh and i love people who can make me laugh AND people who laugh at my jokes. i cannot stress that enough. but its really frustrating when they're the people i really REALLY want to get to know better. things like these make me depressed. i'll end up going home and thinking alot, blaming myself, getting upset, and then when nothing works i just give up. and that will make me even more depressed.
oh i've been watching Grey's the past 2 nights. season 6. i know. slow but whatever. callie and arizona.. omg. *melts* so SWEET! they make me feel like i need someone to love me just like that. to have someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. to love me even when i'm such a bitch. someone who loves my mind, my humor. someone who loves ME. sigh. don't mind me. i'm just depressed, deprived of love and affection and in need of a long, huge hug like freaking badly.
its 3am right now. i should be sleeping. its going to be a long day i think. and then work the next day. so i basically have no rest. but i don't really feel like i don't have a life or anything. apart from the above, i feel.. okay. at least for now. LOL. i'm weird but whatever. okay so i'll end here for today. will be back soon. wish blogger had an app or something. sigh. bye, kids. * waves*
anyways.. today.. today i managed to keep the promise i made to myself. that i would just stop trying and just do my thang. i didn't make small talks you, kept away from you and didn't look at you (or rather kept it to a minimum) when you looked at me. I essentially ignored you. It felt good. At some point you were looking at me, giving me bewildered looks but i just turned away. If you're not gonna try, then i'm not either. If you're gonna give me hot and cold shit, ie one day you're nice and the next you're acting like i'm invisible, then i'm not gonna bother. i'm too tired, work is too tiring.
what i don't understand is why won't you just talk to me? you talk to everyone.. every freaking one but me. is it because i'm friends with sarah? is that it? sigh. forget it. i'm done with this shit. if you finally wanna be friends, come. if not, you can just stick to your own circle. i'm just gonna mope around cos my friends are leaving me one by excruciating one. so yeah i've got alot more shit to handle without you adding to it, thank you very much.
that said, seeing you at work still makes my day. work is bleak without you. i guess i should've just stuck to looking at you from afar. oh well. i'm thinking of whether i should continue working there till december, just so i can see the old kids back again. at the same time finish the year and find a permanent job after. we'll see.
tomorrow or rather later, there's dinner with the ICA mates. We're having Mongolian baby! can't wait. i've never tried anything Mongolian before. hopefully this damn sorethroat will get better (doubt it). oh! and i'm approaching my first public holiday while working at ICA! woohoo! off on tuesday! awesome. can't wait for it.
anyways, i think i dumb and shallow. i don't think i can mix with clever/intelligent people like Jae and you and all those people yang sewaktu dengannya. i can never find anything to talk to them about, and they probably think the same about me. i like people who can keep up a conversation because I obviously can't. i'm more of a listener. oh and i love people who can make me laugh AND people who laugh at my jokes. i cannot stress that enough. but its really frustrating when they're the people i really REALLY want to get to know better. things like these make me depressed. i'll end up going home and thinking alot, blaming myself, getting upset, and then when nothing works i just give up. and that will make me even more depressed.
oh i've been watching Grey's the past 2 nights. season 6. i know. slow but whatever. callie and arizona.. omg. *melts* so SWEET! they make me feel like i need someone to love me just like that. to have someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. to love me even when i'm such a bitch. someone who loves my mind, my humor. someone who loves ME. sigh. don't mind me. i'm just depressed, deprived of love and affection and in need of a long, huge hug like freaking badly.
its 3am right now. i should be sleeping. its going to be a long day i think. and then work the next day. so i basically have no rest. but i don't really feel like i don't have a life or anything. apart from the above, i feel.. okay. at least for now. LOL. i'm weird but whatever. okay so i'll end here for today. will be back soon. wish blogger had an app or something. sigh. bye, kids. * waves*
posted by shikin at 2:46 AM
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