[rivoli's]

Rivoli's Italian Restaurant 781 Fischer Boulevard, Toms River - (732)270-3634. I WANNA GO!

[hohum]

okay darling.. we definitely need one of those at home. like seriously. i'm not even kidding. and we need a private pool.

[flowers]

feeling incredibly horny at this hour. decided to distract myself by finding out the symbolism of number of flowers and what not.

11 Roses
You are the one I love most in my life.

12 Roses
Satisfactory union and mutual affinity.

13 Roses
Secret admirer.

24 Roses
Remember fondly every moment
(24 hours cannot forget you).

33 Roses
Saying "I love you" with PROFOUND LOVE.

36 Roses
Feeling romantic attachment because you come to me.

44 Roses
Constant unchangeable pledge.

50 Roses
This is "Regretless Love".

56 Roses
My love.

66 Roses
Successful love affair.

99 Roses
Love with understanding makes love eternal.

100 Roses
Harmonious union in a century, remain a devoted couple 'till ripe-old age.

101 Roses
No other love but you.

108 Roses
Please marry me!

111 Roses
Eternal love.

123 Roses
Free love.

144 Roses
Loving you day and night eternally.

365 Roses
Thinking of you everyday, love you everyday.

999 Roses
Everlasting and eternal love.

1001 Roses
Faithful love, 'till forever

Burgandy Rose
Unconscious beauty

Coral Rose
Desire

Lavender Rose
Enchantment, love at first sight

Leaves of a Rose
Hope

Moss Rose
Confession of love

Orange Rose
Fascination

Pale Colored Rose
Friendship

Pink, Dark Rose
Admiration, thankfullness

Pink, Light Rose
Perfect happiness, joy and grace

Red Love, Rose
passion, respect

Red Bud
Pure and lovely

Tea Roses
I still love you

White Rose
Innocence, purity, secrecy

White Bud
Too young for love, girlhood

Yellow Rose
Friendship, joy, in Victorian times, jealousy

White Lily - Virginity, purity, majesty, It's heavenly to be with you

Yellow Lily - I'm walking on air, false and gay

Calla Lily - Beauty

Day Lily - Coquetry, chinese emblem for mother

Eucharis Lily - Maiden charms

Tiger Lily- Wealth, Pride

Lily of the valley - Sweetness, tears of the virgin mary, return to happiness, humility, you've made my life complete, increased happiness

Amaryllis Lily
pride and beauty

Azalea
temperance

Bachelor's Buttons
celibacy

Begonia
beware

Camellias
Red: unpretentious excellence
White: exquisite loveliness

Carnations:
Red: my poor heart
Pink: I'll never forget you.
Yellow: disdain
White: sweet and lovely

Chrysanthemum:
Red: I love
White: truth
Yellow: slighted love

Crocus
abuse not
Spring: youthful gladness

Cyclamen
diffidence

Daffodils
regard

Dahlia
changeable

Daisy
innocence

Forget-me-not
constant love

French Marigold
jealousy, discontent

Gladiolus
I'm really sincere

Hibiscus
rare beauty

Hyacinth
sporting
White: discreet loveliness

Hydrangea
Thank you for understanding

Iris
communication; faith; hope

Lilac
Purple: first love
White: youthful innocence

Lily of the Valley
increased happiness

Lily
White: purity

Mistletoe
kiss me

Narcissus
ego

Nasturtium
loyalty

Orchid
love; beauty; refinement

Pansies
consideration

Peony
bashfulness

Ranunculus
radiant charm

Rhodadendron
danger

Roses
Red: love
Yellow: friendship
Pink: young love, romance, first love
White: pure, innocence

Snapdragon
presumption

Sweet William
bravery

Tiger Flower
befriend me friend

Tuberosa
illicit pleasures

Tulip
fame
Red: declaration of love
Yellow: unrequited love

Violet
modesty
Blue: faithful devotion

Zinnias
thoughtful recollections

[you make me want to try]

its weird.. you know.. falling in love. it gives you an enormous sense of hope, like for once in your life you actually believe that you can achieve this feat and you start thinking of things to make it work. it makes you want to do things you've spent years convincing yourself you don't have to do, to get a guy. it makes you push aside your principles and what not just so you can at least have a day where he's all yours. it makes you reject all other beings of the opposite sex, just because you do not want to and/or cannot imagine yourself with anyone else. it makes you smile insanely at random times just because something reminds you of his antics or just his smile or imagining how he'd react in such a situation. when you start wrecking your brain for ways to be different, to make an impression, so he'd notice/remember you. when you can actually feel your heart being massaged and soothed when you hear his voice. when your raging sexual appetite suddenly dwindles when you even think of touching someone else's hand. when you start comparing, and looking for him in other guys or things. when you suddenly feel that the way you dress is unbecoming of you and that you should change, asking your friends randomly how you'd look if you wore this or that. when you suddenly think that those pair of sneakers you've been aiming should just be replaced with heels because he'd love them. when your gluttony for food diminishes, and you feel a need to exercise so your legs would look better and your tummy won't be protruding. when it absolutely KILLS you when he looks and/or talk to another woman, thinking she'd take him away from you. when you go to romantic places and you start wondering how it'll feel to come here with him, what we'd do and what we'd talk about. when he is always in your heart, no matter what you do. when you look into every little thing and convince yourself its a sign that you and him are meant to be. when you start to look into your inadequacies in the kitchen and want to learn how to cook so that your future mother in law wouldn't think you're a totally useless girl and undeserving of her only son which she probably dotes on. when you start staring at kids longingly, wondering how it'd be to have one with him, how the kid will look and how you'd both handle the responsibility. when you suddenly feel the urge to tell your elders that he's your boyfriend and that you'll make him an honest man someday. when you start wondering how it'd be like to face his mother and sister, whether they'd accept you. when you start thinking whether you're strong enough to guide him religiously if it became serious and if he'd embrace your religion, whether his family would object. when you wonder if he'd throw away his love for drinking just for you, and you'd let him continue smoking because you feel guilty. when you consider throwing your life away just to wait for him. when you don't know why you feel this way and yet at the same time you do and you hate yourself for it but you wouldn't want it any other way.

All the while, knowing that you probably don't stand a chance with him. That he probably won't look twice at you, because no matter how they'd deny it, outer beauty is what people look at first. If you don't look good, there is absolutely no point in giving you a chance, unless you miraculously find a way to make an impression on him among millions. That he'd be better off with another, better looking girl who'd understand him completely, that he'd love looking at every single day of his life, that his mother would be proud to have as a daughter in law, and who won't restrain him with her religion.That you'll be beyond crushed when it comes down to it. That your already crumbling sense of faith in relationships and marriages, will disintegrate forever. That because of all these you should just slap yourself, face reality and live your useless life until its time to die and finally your suffering will all be gone.

There are days when i feel so confident, happy and full of hope like what i mentioned in the first paragraph. Then there are days where i'd feel like shit and the second paragraphs haunt me. but then something that's related to him will unexpectedly pop up or i start sneezing for no reason or best of all, i dream of him. that's when i'll think "God is giving me a sign, he's not giving up on me. i shouldn't give up. at least not yet. i have as much of a chance as anyone else. for all i know, he'd love me."

you know when i thought about writing this entry, i only wanted to write a few lines and it'll be all inspirational and end with "Love makes me want to try. No, YOU, make me want to try." But i kinda can't fit that line anywhere now since my brain starts twisting and turning every sentence, and i end up writing more than i intended to. heh. whatever. it comes in handy during compositions or essays.

oh btw did i tell you that i got 1st in korean class again?! no? poor thing. yeah i got a mug this time. it was a towel last time. son saeng nim loves me, i know it. she's sick of me answering all the questions in class though. whatever. nobody is going to answer you if i don't, you silly bird. going to pester dad to pay for my advanced class. i'm going all the way this time. as TOP would say "can't stop this".

so i'll end here and i hope to post more actual entries instead of lyrics or some other trivial things which i like. i usually just use twitter since its fast and convenient. and when i really want it dirty and private, i go for me2day. but i promise to post more. for now, its 5.40am and i have to wake up at 9am to get ready for a birthday surprise for this ahjumma. gosh. what is my life. its all good though. she just broke up with her boyfriend after 5 years, the least i could do to make her happy is to sacrifice my sleep. i'm happy when i can make someone happy. and please laugh when i make a joke. i consider it a personal insult if you don't laugh. like seriously. k dah bye.

[tweet]

can i treat blogger as my personal twitter now? cos i'm about to spam a few shit.

him?! in the air force?! i am seriously about to cum on the spot. i mean.. can you imagine?! fuckkkkk!

[i'm sorry]

this man... this man... i have no words to say... i feel like crumpling up and dying because, truth be told, i was jealous. i had drawn my own conclusions of why this song was written and i was jealous of what it insinuated. i never knew.. oh God help me i never knew.. now my tears won't stop falling and i am a complete wreck. i'm sorry for doubting you. i realise the pain you're in. i'm sorry to the girl who died/is dying. i'm sorry, baby. i'm so sorry.

--------------------------------------------------------

The Story Behind T.O.P’s ‘Oh Mom’ Song

Note: We haven’t verified if the sources of this story is true. But this is what is posted on the blog:

Hello
— Story There’s so many versions of the story, to be honest. But basically, a girl third year in middle school was diagnosed with a terminal disease, and she really wanted to see TOP before she died. so she sent letters to him and stuff,

but when TOP saw those letters, he didn’t think she was serious because so many fans feign things like that just to see him.

Then later, when she got really ill or died, her relatives sent TOP a letter/video of the dying/dead girl. TOP apparently cried after he read/saw/watched the letter/video of the dying/dead girl and composed a song dedicated to her.

OH MOM

Written & Composed by: T.O.P
GD&TOP ALBUM

How could this happen to me
But even worse, how could this happen to you
It began with a letter and was the beginning of pain
I’m a tell it to you straight

this part is essentially top’s lament on how she told him about it from the beginning (through letter) but he didnt listen. . My body is ill, but you don’t reply; sorry I’m sorry, bye- TOP. “My body is ill, but you don’t reply” is how TOP assumes the girl felt by his lack of response, and “sorry I’m sorry, bye” is how TOP thinks the girl assumed TOP to think.

Oh mom, What should I do mom
A selfishness hotter than a fire torments me, Oh my God
Oh mom, I promise mom, What can I do
Now, I now, Oh my God, Oh my God

“Mom” is an extended metaphor throughout the whole song, the “mom” representing God. When TOP asks “mom” for advice, he is asking God for advice. “I promise” implies that he will do what God tells him too, if God will tell him what he can do.

A desolate day, I receive a letter
Your circumstances make me tear
If my voice brightens your world
Farther and farther, I’ll shout
Nananana Nananana Do you hear my heavy heart
Friend wipe your tears, I think you’re prettier when you smile
Sorry I’m sorry, Oh my God

This is when TOP finally saw/watched the letter/video from the girl’s relatives. He cried- “your circumstances make me tear.” Then he says that he will dedicate his songs and his voice to the girl if that can make her happy (and lively). The “sorry i’m sorry” here is quite different from the same line before, because whereas the “sorry i’m sorry” used before had a careless, “okay, yeah sure” tone to it, the “sorry i’m sorry” used here has a desperate cry to it.
.

Baby don’t cry, You may feel alone
Don’t worry, It may be lonely but you’re not the only one
Look beside you, you’re not alone
Don’t cry, You stand vacantly alone
Don’t worry, It may be lonely but you’re not the only one
Look beside you, you’re not alone

This is TOP encouraging the girl not to cry and not to feel alone because people [TOP] is there for her. . Life is funny, It’s a delicate play with fire.

Playful obstacles are life’s restraints.

This part is very significant. TOP is talking about how he didnt think the girl’s first letter was real, because of the “playful obstacles” (i.e. other fan’s fake illnesses) in an indirect manner. . Keep your head up Continuation of TOP’s encouragement. . This is what TOP whispers in the middle (its never on any lyrics-sites for some reason): 어머님. 같은 사람이라 생각하니 가슴이 답답하고 무겁습니다 어쩌면 죽을지도 모릅니다. 웃음소리가 사라지지 않도록 지켜주십시오. meaning mom.

My heart is burdened and heavy that she may die. Please protect her so that her laughters will not disappear.

As I mentioned before, “mom” is “God.” the rest is self-explanatory: it’s a prayer. — so i talked way more than you wouldve liked me to. but my point is that yes, it was inspired by an event (a personal one, too) and yes, it’s a story of a dying/dead person. top is such a beautiful person. inside and out. just. UGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I hope this answered your question, love (: idk. i just hate having to explain like. one part of the song. because everything is so much more meaningful as a whole.

Source: Toptopia at tumblr
Credits: x0x0, tabisan official thread at ygl
Video: www.choiseunghyun.com
Shared by: Elle at ygunited.com